- Me: I won't get jealous
- Me: Who's this fucking whore
bitch i’ll sass you to death if you don’t quit chatting uhuh
You know what language I love? Welsh.
can you not
Such a bitch to speak though. Sounds like a swedish person with a speech disability is trying to read chinese for the first time.
- tyra banks: 10 beautiful ladies stand before me
- tyra banks: but i only have nine pictures in my hands
- tyra banks: and they're all of me
- tyra banks: lol
that moment of intimacy with the person who adjusts your seat belt on a roller coaster
The most i get all year
you are a bitch and i hate you that is all
If I fucked Ryan Gosling I’d probably orgasm so hard that I would go into cardiac arrest.
The awkward moment when you try to explain to your doctor you don’t need contraception because you haven’t had sex with a man in 6 months.
‘Yes i’am sexually active’
‘What do you use for contraception?’
‘I don’t….really….Need it?’
‘So what do you use?’
‘Lesbianism. Its the safest form of contraception known to man….sorry woman.’
If your phone gets wet, try putting it in a bag of dry rice. At night, the rice will attract Asians who will fix your electronics for you.
Saw my Ex for the first time in a few months. Someone doesn’t know how to be an adult. Glad i’m rid of that emotional mess
Oh sweet sausages. If i finish my work at this rate. ILL HAVE MONDAY OFF. Oh the feels
God knows why i went out with such an immature and ridiculous person. Yes ignoring someone because they meant nothing to you for the best part of 3 months is very clever indeed. Glad im rid of that.
Fell asleep at 6, woke up at 10. Yous in troooouble